1. The only way I’ll actually win a gold medal.

     
  2.  

  3. I ate an entire block of cheese today.

     

  4. "March 4th, the only day that is also a sentence."
    — John Green (via queendany)

    (Source: musikjunkie, via illea)

     

  5. I asked my mom what she was going to give up for Lent and she just looked at me with complete seriousness and said, “You.”

     

  6. "Nothing like gettin’ high and goin’ on Pintrest."
    — 

    - John Green (on hankgames without Hank)

    To be fair, that quote is removed from its context. (But only barely.)

    (Source: justmillieme, via fishingboatproceeds)

     

  7. Today, I read through my old Facebook messages and I realized something. I cannot flirt worth shit.

     

  8. I just can’t fall asleep with all of these moral arguments floating around in my head.

     

  9. And that would be the sound of my self-esteem being crushed by the hands of AP Calculus.

     

  10. My arms are literally sore from playing violin too much. Nerdiness level:1,000

     

  11. So I showed up to work before my manager. Like, what am I even supposed to do with my life now?

     

  12. I ran into my French teacher at a bar today.

     

  13. The greatest struggle of my day is debating whether or not to eat the pizza.

     

  14. I wasn’t supposed to work today. But then I took someone’s shift. Then my boss called and I no longer have to work today.

     

  15. I was at the playground today when a four-year-old boy ran through my legs like I was a tunnel. Then I realized that was the first time in over a year that a guy had been between my legs.